No Good Men Anymore, Girls? Bullshit…

To All The Girls –

From Northrop Grumman, to the beaches of  Termoli, to LAX, to the Chico College sorority houses, to the Brixton crack houses, to the Paris brat houses to the NYC banking houses, girls are non-stop complaining:

“All the good guys are taken!”
“It is so hard to meet a good man!”
“Where are all the great guys?!”

(Disclaimer: I haven’t actually “heard” girls say this very often – It just so happened that I overheard a girl complaining about it on the Tube today. I am not the shoulder to cry on and I have a very low threshold for nonsense. And my confidence is so out of control these days, that if I hear a girl talking about other guys or men in general, I simply bounce like checks from Middle America in 2009. But either way, I am sure girls say this rubbish.)

So, to all the girls, news just in: there are good guys out there.

For one, I have been single many times. And let’s look at my stats for a quick second. I have (again, not to be a flash bastard, but facts are facts):

• Youthful, brutally handsome good looks.
• A fat pocket. And I am liquid.
• A suit and tie collection, second to maybe, Ozwald Boateng.
• A name that carries weight like a cannon on the street, the war zone, the space scene and dope restaurants. Internationally.
• Great genetics and a full head of hair.
• Class, Style and Dash.
• Since age 8, my team played to win.
• Strong ambition since the days of Suicide Hill. And the scars to prove it.
• Undefeated on Frenchtown Road. Somewhere around XXXX-0. Give or take a few hundred wins.
• Came out on top of Dry Creek in the late 90s
• Street smarts and flow multiple languages.
• A positive, down to earth, humble attitude.
• Hell, I even know the capital of Malaysia.

The funny thing is, it is actually pretty easy to land a guy like me. And I think every guy I know will agree with me on this. All you girls need to do is this:

• Have timeless, striking, stunning, unique beauty.
• Be bisexual.
• Stay 21 years old forever.
• Have a father who is the richest businessman in your home country. 100 million give or take a mill here or a mill there.
• Be an adventurous traveler.
• Wreck shop in the kitchen.
• Historical family name. (Sure I come from a great family, but it is always nice to get some upward mobility out of the deal.)
• Be feminine and wear high heels and dresses. Always.
• Be able to do the splits and move your hips. Bonus points for being able to do back flips.

It’s really that easy.  I don’t see what the problem is.

Anyways, girls, I just gave you the master plan.  Make the most of it.


3 thoughts on “No Good Men Anymore, Girls? Bullshit…

  1. hardout
    girls need to open their eyes,
    everyone knows good people,
    and getting to know good people takes heaps less
    effort that getting to know strangers

  2. I have to admit that this post is hilarious. Maybe quite full of bullshit and crap, but really funny. Well dude, if you really hoped that you could have found a girl with all these “qualities”, I have to warn you unfortunately that… they are all taken!! :P

  3. first of all, i am a straight man that is tired of going out and dealing with the bullshit. there are so many low life women out there, that are very nasty and have an attitude problem as well. why are you women so messed up now? there are many of us good straight men out there, that are not into playing games like you women do. so many stuck up bitches, what losers you women have become. at least , the women years ago were certainly much more educated. women were raised a lot better, than now. the women today need to read a book on how to talk too men, just maybe, you women can be much more educated. that would certainly be a miracle.

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