For some people, time really doesn’t matter. For the rest of us, 3 a.m. (on a work night) is not exactly the ideal time to pour your heart out to a girl and embarrass yourself by acting like a douche nozzle.

Here’s the tale…

The girl in our story broke things off with a chef she had been dating for only three months almost FIVE MONTHS prior to the early morning in which our story takes place. I emphasize that they were only dating – nothing serious…

The following is a verbatim transcript of the text message conversation that took place:

The Chef: why am I sleeping alone?

The Girl: Dunno

The Chef: wish you were here baby

The Girl: It’s three in the morning

The Chef: can’t sleep. Just thinking of you haven’t been able to sleep for months baby. What did I do so wrong that kept you away this long? I just want you near

The Girl: (At this point our girl responded with a jumbled text message pretending to be tired in an attempt to end this awkward conversation)

The Chef: I’ve waited my whole life for you. I’d marry you if you gave me the chance. I love you, why can’t you see?

The Girl: (At this point our girl responded with another jumbled, nonsensical text message)

The Chef: ??

The Girl: It’s late – I apologize if Im not makin sense – 3 a.m. is not the best time for this conversation

The Chef: 3 a.m.?! My heart doesn’t care what time it is

The Girl: You can’t expect me to respond to this

Guys, seriously, desperation is never attractive… However, please feel free to continue such activity as it provides endless entertainment to whomever is around said girl. Or if the girl in question is friends with someone with a blog, your humiliation can extend to a global scale.

Epilogue:

Sources confirmed for us that The Chef was in fact not intoxicated at the time of this exchange. Therefore, he cannot fall back onto a “drunk texting” excuse. And lest one fears that we are being cruel and heartless, I assure you that if one were familiar with the characters involved (He’s not the nicest guy and The Girl is overwhelmingly nice) that it would not be perceived as such…

Oh, The Chef recently described a woman he works with as “needy”. Funny how people can perceive things so differently, isn’t it?