You know that scene in Goodfellas where Ray Liotta’s character has a busy day? That’s my life lately. Every day.

“I had a busy day. I had to drop guns off at Jimmy’s to match some silencers he had. I had to pick up my brother at the hospital and pick up some stuff for Lois to fly down to some customers in Atlanta…

My Pittsburgh guys always wanted guns. Since I would see them in the afternoon I was pretty sure I’d get my money back…

My plan was to drop off my brother at the house and pick up Karen…

I was cooking dinner. I had to start braising the beef and veal shanks for the tomato sauce. It was Michael’s favorite. I was making ziti with gravy, roasted peppers, string beans with olive oil, and beautiful cutlets that were cut just right that I was going to fry up as an appetizer. So I was home for about an hour. My plan was to start dinner early so I could unload the guns Jimmy didn’t want. Then get the package for Lois to take to Atlanta later that night…

I asked my brother to watch the sauce and Karen and I started out…

I had to get home and get the package ready for Lois to take on her trip. I also had to get to Sandy’s to give the package a whack with quinine. And I knew Sandy would get on my ass. I had cooking to finish, and I had to get Lois ready for her trip…

I got home and started cooking. I had a few hours before Lois’ flight. I told my brother to watch the stove. All day long the poor guy’s been watching helicopters and tomato sauce. I had to drive over to Sandy’s, mix the stuff, then get back to the gravy…”

This is my life lately. Only instead of cooking and cocaine, it’s bikes, student visas, appointments, securing housing in London, making flight arrangements, changing insurance plans, cancelling my Netflix subscription, and family. As far as I know, you can’t get into the witness protection program for any of that. Something needs to get whacked…