Awesome Facial Hair: The Champions

With this post I seek to celebrate all that is grand and glorious in the world of facial hair. The worse the beard or mustache, the better. The more over the top, the more I love it. Too extreme is not extreme enough. Let’s see what’s out there…

This guy definitely scores points for the weave action in his beard.  It looks sort of like a woven basket, huh?


I’ll bet the girls love this one.


This is a hairy guy:


But, not as hairy as this guy below.  And by the way, yes, this is real.  It is the result of a genetic defect (Or gift depending on your perspective).


OK, so these guys were part of a beard and mustache contest and so they worked to be over the top, but their facial hair is still noteworthy.






I honestly don’t know what to say about this one. But, it needs to be included (obviously).


How awesome would it be to have this guy as your grandfather?


This guy gets points for overall hairiness. Does he have lips or a mouth?


And this guy gets points for, uhhhhh, something…


Man, these old school guys knew how to rock the facial hair:



Stellar work, sir.


This guy scores massive points for utilizing the headband along with the sweet mustache.


This is just weird looking.  Does anyone else think he looks like an extra from Planet of the Apes?


I’ll award some points for creativity here.


Just in case you were worried that celebrities never slip up in their appearance:


Jesse, seriously, what were you thinking, man?  Oh, right, probably to demonstrate that anyone with the confidence to appear on national television as you look below possesses inherent awesomeness.


But, Mel, come on, dude…  What look were you going for here? Peter Pan pedophile?


But, I guess that not all of us can look like Geraldo with his killer mustache.


What chick would take a guy that looked like this seriously?  And how much work would that be to maintain?


I’d love to have a beer with this guy.  You can just tell he’s got some great stories.


I’m impressed.  Seriously impressed.


I came across this pic because this guy goes around in public like this.  Some kids made fun of him and he beat the shit out of them.  Way to stand up for facial hair awesomeness, sir.


This guy scores points for his douchey appearance alone – but also for his lame facial hair.


This guy picks up some points for overall hair thickness.  That is one thick mustache.


Excellent work.  A real artist at work here.


Somehow the hat makes it all come together.


One of the best mustaches yet.


Very, uhhhh, organic.


I think this guy looks like a blowfish.


And speaking of disgusting, for some reason I find this absolutely repulsive.

Facial Hair

But not this… This guy is awesome.  Truly awesome. I salute you, sir.


For some reason the receding hairline amplifies the awesomeness of this guy’s mustache by like a factor of ten.


This guy has got to be the facial hair champ though – the incorporation of the chest hair and neck hair is absolutely brilliant. I love it.


There is still a final frontier in facial hair awesomeness though. I have yet to see either of the following two and I cannot say that the human race has reached its full potential until I see the fuzzy lips or full neck beard.

A: Fuzzy lips – this would be someone that was clean-shaven, but left a perfect ring of hair right around their lips. Admittedly bad, but I think the next one would be even worse…

B: Full neck beard and nothing else. This would involve someone with a completely clean-shaven face, but a thick, bushy beard on their neck only. How punk rock would that be?

Does anyone else have any ideas?

These gems remain untested and unproven. Does anyone have the courage to grab the torch of greatness and take things beyond over the top? I certainly hope so.

3 thoughts on “Awesome Facial Hair: The Champions

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