Alligator Alley… Heading down to Miami on I-75 South

So, upon the suggestion of Kira (thank you as well for the excellent hotel suggestion, Kira) and many others, I decided to stay in South Beach which really personifies Miami and serves as the cultural center of Miami. Plus, even all of the Miami natives told me that this was where I needed to go. So, to there I went.

The first stop of the day was the Bass Art Museum

When I was there, a large video art project was featured…

Marianne Faithful, Singer and Actress, 2004 (Yes, it is supposed to be upside down)
Field Recording
65″ plasma display panel, single unit stereo speaker and HD media player

Gao Xingjian, Writer, 2005
Music by Peter Cerone

After I checked in at my hotel, I stopped by the condos pictured below for a drink on my way to the beach. Just in time to observe a delightful interaction take place:

A very smooth-looking guy decked out in a Kiton, three-button, gray bespoke number with a lavender Brioni (I think) shirt blown open was also enjoying a drink and entertaining some other guests. A few minutes after I arrived, he was approached by two spikey-haired dudes with barbed wire tattoos. I had noticed these guys outside when I walked in but now they seemed obviously more drunk. I suppose they needed to fill up on liquid courage to pull off the approach they were initiating.

Anyway, the more brazen of the two, said, “Yo, bro, were you hitting on my girl last week?” Of course, Mr. Smooth looked puzzled and a little embarrassed, but smoothly and politely replied “I don’t know, which one is she?” At that, the more brazen spikey-haired guy got a bit enraged and started to make a scene.

One of Mr. Smooth’s guests stood up in combat mode just as spikey-haired douchebag Number 2 started chiming in when Mr. Smooth interrupted him with a simple question… “Why is it my fault if your girlfriend plays you? She played you, not me… I’ve never been played before, but if so, I highly doubt I’d approach you to talk about it.” The question clearly struck the spikey-haired guy off-guard and I could see thoughts of mediocrity inundate and paralyze him. I saw images of overdrafted bank statements, cute-faced but overweight girls, sale items at Hollister and trophy chests with only JV letters ricocheting through his mind and piling together in one big sub-par lump. At that point he had no choice but to walk away, ashamed. While walking away, his friend turned around to say “You’re lucky”. Mr. Smooth smirked and responded with, “Luck has nothing to do with this equation.”

I noticed this one walking down the street. How could I pass up the World Erotic Art Museum?

Boasting the world’s largest public collection of erotic art with thousands of one-of-a-kind, historical (from Biblical and Victorian to Pin-up) and contemporary pieces on view, this was actually an excellent museum – Not at all like a sleazy porn shop.

Of course, no photos were allowed, but I was able to sneak a picture of this Dirty Disney scene. Click on the picture to make it larger because it really is funny.

It’s tough not to enjoy South Beach with scenes like this constantly playing out.

Art deco architecture in the Art Deco District

Gianni Versace’s Mansion along Ocean Drive where he lived before being gunned down on the steps you see in front

News Cafe – where the late designer read his daily papers. Over a delicious breakfast in a classy setting, I watched the rich glide by – on foot and in Ferraris… By the way, like many places in South Beach, News Cafe is open 24 hours.

Along Ocean Drive

More Art Deco architecture

Miami Beach

This is a view south from South Pointe Park. The park was undergoing renovation, so I had to hop over a fence.

These guys followed my lead and joined me, but then surpassed me by continuing into the “No Trespassing” area to go swimming.

They started climbing up on this railing to jump in

But then the boat after this one was a Coast Guard boat and it started heading toward us, so I took off with the rest of them because I figured they would have gotten me in trouble too if I’d stuck around.

A life guard station on Miami beach

This house was pretty cool – decorated with shells and fish

You don’t see signs like this everywhere

Lincoln Road – pedestrian shopping street

The Holocaust Memorial… Now I’m not normally a very emotional person, but this place was masterfully done and was really heavy.

I had to go and emotionally recover for a few moments by this river after the Holocaust Memorial

Fortunately, these crazy homeless people came by to snap me out of my personal darkness. And, dear readers, you know I love crazy homeless people.

Stop Myriah – Stop the Wind. I thought that summed up my feelings pretty well and served as a fitting end to my Miami trip.