Monthly Archives: October 2007

Pinnacles National Monument Report – Finally!

I’ve wanted to go to Pinnacles National Monument for so long that I can’t even remember how I originally became interested. At first I was going to go with my ex-fiance, Katie, over Thanksgiving 2004 or 2005 (I can’t remember which), but something came up. So, the visit was rescheduled. And then something came up again. And again. And again.

http://www.nps.gov/pinn/

Pinnacles is a protected mountainous area located east of the Salinas Valley. The Monument’s namesake are the leftovers of an ancient extinct volcano. The Monument is divided into East and West Divisions by the rock formations and are only connected by trails, but not by roads.

I was eventually prepared to go by myself if necessary when just prior to my departure, I pitched the idea to my cousin Brandon and his wife Amanda, both of whom are new arrivals to the area. Fortunately, they are almost always down for an adventure and were pumped up to go.

So, we packed up the car and headed out towards Hollister which is pretty much the only town you will pass through on the way to the park once you leave San Jose. Despite what the t-shirts might imply, I can state emphatically that Hollister is not a cool town.

Fortunately, once you get past Hollister you move onto Highway 25 which features a lot of rolling hills with fat cattle and a twisty road interspersed with long straight stretches. It reminded me a lot of the area around Highways 41 and 46 where James Dean was killed. Perhaps needless to say, it is great motorcycle terrain. This is obviously not a secret though given the large numbers of motorcycles we saw. On the way out we passed a group of sport motorcyclists right after one of their members had dumped his bike on a corner. He was okay, but the bike was damaged and was lodged in a wall of poison oak down an embankment. One of their crew suggested trying to turn the bike on to see if it could perhaps be gotten out under its own power, but we did not stick around to see how this resolved itself. The bike may still be there…

We finally arrived at the park (I really shouldn’t use the word “finally” because it is no more than a two hour drive from the Bay Area). For such a spectacular park it is remarkable how few people have heard of it…

Once arrived, we checked in at the campground, set up camp and secured the perimeter… I just slept in a camo bivy sack (which can be seen on the ground in the behind me) and this proved more than adequate for the duration of our trip even despite a light rain on the second night:

We arrived early enough on the first day to have time to do a little exploring and so we set out for the Bear Gulch Cave which is a little less than a mile in from the Bear Gulch Visitor Center… The trail up to the Bear Gulch Cave is pretty moderate and features plenty of worthy scenery along the way:

Such as this California Buckeye:

Both sets of caves in the park are “talus caves” which are formed in canyons when boulders and other debris fall into the canyon and form a roof. The Bear Gulch cave is closed seasonally to protect sensitive bat species and the Balconies Cave can be closed due to flooding. Check the park website for a current cave status before planning a trip around visiting one or both of the caves:

Flashlights, head lamps, candles – some sort of light source is needed to get through the caves:

It’s amazing how little is propping up some of the boulders that form the roof of the cave:

There are plenty of “is that seriously the trail?” moments as one makes their way through the caves… And, yeah, that picture below is of the trail – just as the arrows indicate. You are not going to remain upright while venturing through the caves in the park:

As soon as you exit the Bear Gulch Caves you come across the Bear Gulch Reservoir which was built in the 1930s by the C.C.C. I’m not normally a fan of reservoirs, but I have to admit that this one was quite attractive and provides one of the few remaining habitats for the very endangered red-legged frog (one of which we were fortunate enough to see in a small pool deep inside the Bear Gulch Caves):

The reservoir is surrounded by cliffs which are great for climbing:

Really, almost all of Pinnacles has great climbing areas. One can see the popularity of this particular wall by the various white spots on the cliff where chalk has accumulated over the years on the popular handholds used by countless climbers:

Try not to be a dumbass like me and do this to yourself on the way down the cliff:

We got back as it was getting dark and soon had a nice campfire going:

This delightful fire was accompanied by some moist cooters which I can’t recommend highly enough for any camping trip. For the record, a moist cooter is hot chocolate with a splash of peppermint schnapps in it. Absolutely delicious:

At night in the campground you can hear different coyote packs howling. And every morning a large group of turkeys patrols through the campground. Pretty awesome…

On Day 2, we followed the Old Pinnacles Trail over to the west side of the park and the Balconies Caves.

Here is the view you see as you are entering the Balconies area from the east:

The Balconies Cave is shorter than the Bear Gulch Cave, but is steeper as is evidenced by Amanda:

Some of the boulders that have tumbled down from the Balconies are huge as you can see by the boulder to my left in the picture below:

This is another view of the Balconies from the cave itself:

The Balconies Cave features some good climbing walls which we found impossible to resist:

And did I mention the size of the boulders in the area? Look how tiny I am compared to the one in the picture below (I’m that speck at the very bottom of the picture). Imagine being around when one of those bad boys comes tumbling down the mountain!

The Balconies area had an abundance of beautiful views:

The official name for this rock formation is “Teapot Dome”, but it sure looked an awful lot like something else to us:

After passing through the Balconies Cave area, we started up Juniper Canyon Trail to the High Peaks area. Below you can see one of the High Peaks:

Once you get into the High Peaks area, you will enter the “steep and narrow” section. This is not an exaggeration. It’s somewhat hard to tell from the picture below, but the “trail” is just notches cut into a rock and I am going straight up:

This is the view you can enjoy at the top:

And if you’re lucky, you’ll get to see one of these… The critically endangered California condors like to hang out on the highest points in the High Peaks area:

Fortunately for us, a park ranger was up at the peak when we arrived with her spotting scope. Brandon was able to take the picture below through the spotting scope which I thought was pretty awesome. This particular condor is “condor 306″. All of the condors released into the wild are fitted with radio tags and some are fitted with GPS units. Condor 306 is a female and is the oldest condor in the Pinnacles National Monument. Even though she is the oldest, she is still not fully grown which is demonstrative of how new the condors are to the area and how fragile the recovery program is:

After a few moments, condor 306 glided into a thermal and circled into obscurity. She didn’t need to flap her wings once!

The park ranger was named Alacia and happened to be quite cute. So, if you summit the High Peaks, you’ll get an awesome view, you may get to see a condor and you may get to hang out with an attractive park ranger… Not a bad deal:

Alacia demonstrated the radio receiver she had which is quite sophisticated. She can tune into individual frequencies for each bird and tell how far away they are and which direction they are in up to 30 miles away. Obviously, the GPS units provide a much greater range. Alacia informed me that the condors can make it out to Big Sur in under two hours and that one of the more adventurous condors has flown all the way down to Ventura. She advised me that the number one threat the condors still face is from lead poisoning. They are scavengers and when a hunter or poacher kills an animal with a lead bullet and leaves the carcass behind, the condors can easily be poisoned by even the smallest of lead fragments remaining in the carcass:

I didn’t notice any of this while it was going on, but Brandon documented the interaction quite well and insisted I include the picture below with an explanation… And once I saw the pictures, I had to agree that it was pretty funny. The guy in the picture showed up after us and kept trying to muscle into the conversation I was having with Alacia and hit on her. I think her body language says it all:

Day 3 took us up Condor Gulch Trail, where even though it is almost November, we felt like we were walking through a blast furnace. Carry plenty of water no matter what time of year you visit:

We hiked up to the Overlook which offered more climbing opportunities and then headed out of the park for home:

El Presidente (or I don’t know how I keep getting invited to these things)

As I always say, it’s good to know people… Tonight proved no exception as we scored an invite to dinner with the former president of Mexico, Vicente Fox, at the Fairmont. Tables were $3000 each and we got in for free – not bad…

Here we are mingling before the big doings:

El Presidente gave a passionate and convincing speech arguing for the benefits of globalization and free trade. I was surprised by the amount of venom directed at Hugo Chavez and Lou Dobbs, but particularly his opponents in the PRI. For example, he accused the PRI leader in the Mexican Congress of participating in narcotics trafficking and stated that he was being investigated by the U.S. DEA.

Dinner was excellent.

As was dessert…

We went right up to Vicente after dinner where Omar had his picture taken with El Presidente and spoke to him briefly:

Here’s me with Omar:

And what would a political gathering be without the obligatory protesters?

Interesting Side Note: We couldn’t help noticing that the San Jose Fairmont features a number of large mirrors (if you’re into that sort of thing).

Houses: An Investment? Or A Trap?

Housing prices in the United States are falling nationwide; but in the minds of most house buyers, it is still a bull market. They have lived with rising prices for so long they now take it for granted that that is just the way things work. “House prices always go up in the long run,” they believe. But the run they are thinking of is only about 10 years long. Before that, prices rose – but only about as much as inflation. In some areas, of course, real prices rose with population and economic growth. In others, real prices fell. Overall, for the last century, there was little overall improvement in housing prices.

And why should there be? Housing is not an investment. It is a durable consumer good – one that needs maintenance, and one on which you have to pay property taxes. If it were a stock, it would be one with a negative dividend…you’d have to pay the company each year for the privilege of owning it. You can make money developing property. You can make money investing in property. You can make money building houses, too. But you can’t expect to make money buying houses.

Funktown

Rudolph Henderson was one of Oakland’s leading cocaine dealers during the 1980′s, supplying the city’s biggest drug chieftains, before being sentenced to 25 years in prison in 1989. He was arrested two years before in an investigation that netted more than 82 pounds of cocaine, Henderson’s $3 million dollar estate in Sonoma County, two Oakland homes, $373,000 in cash and a fleet of 30 luxury cars.

The Best Financial/Life Advice

The following comment was heard on the train:

One distinguished looking gentleman to another – “If it flies, floats or fucks, you’re always better off renting.”

Homeless Profile # 11 (Alyssa)

Along our street resides a crazy homeless woman. She first came to my roommate’s attention when Nicki observed her strolling down the sidewalk while tugging on a stuffed animal with a leash around its neck. She was swearing loudly at the stuffed animal for not obeying her – certainly an attention-getter… She first came to my attention when I noticed her marching toward a bus stop bench in full camo gear. Seriously, she had camo pants, a camo shirt/jacket combo, combat boots and even a camo hat. Obviously, I immediately became a fan. It was at that point that Nicki and I resolved that the next time we saw her, that we would stop and initiate contact with her no matter what. We didn’t have to wait long… Within the week, we observed her sprawled out at a bus stop as pictured below:

Unfortunately, she didn’t have her camo or stuffed animal on this day, but you can’t win ‘em all, right? We ducked into the nearest parking lot and headed over to initiate contact. I snapped the picture above as we were approaching her. Nicki introduced herself first and the woman responded that her name was Alyssa.

I asked Alyssa where she was from and she stated that she was from Los Angeles, but was up visiting some friends for “20 or 30 years”.

Nicki astutely observed that 20 or 30 years constituted a rather long visit…

This prompted Alyssa to reply that it was hot and because it was hot she had only been visiting her friends for “a couple years”. As she was relaying this information, she looked at us like we were complete morons for not understanding. Right. Got it now, Alyssa.

Nicki wisely decided to break up the tension a little and asked Alyssa if she could recommend any good restaurants in the area. Alyssa gazed intently over Nicki’s shoulder and started to explain that Rubio’s was “ok” (Rubio’s was the restaurant over Nicki’s shoulder) when she abruptly got up in mid-sentence and started wandering off.

Nicki and I looked at each other in horror as this treasure started to walk out of our lives without us properly documenting our interaction with her. We both cried out her name and ran after her to secure the following pictures:

I would draw attention to the fact that she is smiling in the picture with me (I was working the charm on the hotties again), but not my roommate. However, I’m too modest to do such a thing…

Big Trouble in the Little Nursing Home

My grandfather (Fritz) and grandmother (Irene) presently reside in a nursing home named the Sterling Inn which is located in the High Desert region of Southern California. This story took place very recently while my grandmother and grandfather were eating their lunch in the communal dining facility at the nursing home. Also present at the lunch table were some of the other female residents (Fritz does like the ladies) in the nursing home. Inexplicably, in the middle of the meal, my grandfather began disrobing.

Apparently, one of the women across the table threw up her hands and cried, “No, no. Stop!” At this point my grandmother looked over and saw what he was doing and also told him to stop. He ignored them both and continued working on the buttons. More insistently this time, Irene insisted that he stop. Fritz looked over at her and with contempt dripping from his voice announced to her and the table, “I’ll do whatever I want, when I want.”

Words to live by, Grandpa!

This event just happened to coincide with the week in which it was discovered that my grandfather had smuggled a loaded .38 revolver and a large quantity of porn into the nursing home. May we all be so awesome at 90…

Drambuie Alcohol Review (or the Captain gets owned at Captain’s)

Drambuie is defined by Wikipedia as…

“a honey- and herb-flavoured golden scotch whisky liqueur made from aged malt whisky, heather honey and a secret blend of herbs and spices. The flavour suggests saffron, honey, anise, nutmeg and herbs.”

http://www.drambuie.com/

The following is an account of the experience of my cousin and me with Drambuie. Pictured below (at the start of our evening) is a picture of my cousin, Brandon – a Captain in the Marine Corps:

We were hanging out at a private bar named Captain’s (hence the Captain was in Captain’s) and I was in a mood to try new drinks. No one had tried Drambuie before, so I decided to be a Drambuie pioneer. I was already a few drinks in and drinks always seem to go down easy at that point. Not so with the Drambuie… As soon as I threw it back, my throat spasmed and I had to choke the shot down which was immediately followed by a fit of coughing. I thought this might have been a one-time event and so two drinks later, I decided I’d give it another try. The chloroform/Red Bull smell of the Drambuie put me off, but I hated the idea that I couldn’t conquer a drink. Down it went. Bad idea… My throat went into full-scale revolt. I couldn’t swallow a drop. My throat just completely seized up and went into lock-down, causing me to spit the Drambuie up all over the bar like a freshman in high school that can’t handle the Bud Light in the beer bong. This was followed by a violent coughing frenzy which ended up hurting my throat so badly that I had a persistent cough for three days. The Drambuie left my vocal chords scorched.

Captain Brandon is a tough, hard-drinking Marine. Seeing me disgrace myself, he felt obligated to step up to preserve the family honor. Captain Brandon was already several drinks in as well and so he was able to force the first Drambuie shot down at about the same level of difficulty I experienced my first time. It made me feel better to see him also having trouble. However, Brandon also felt compelled to try and conquer the Drambuie challenge. So, he had a second shot. The picture below was taken right after the second shot:

As one can see, Brandon is experiencing some difficulty. However, Marines don’t quit. So, Brandon downed a third shot. It might as well have been three strikes and you’re out because Brandon was simply done at that point. He stumbled away from the bar and out onto the balcony where he collapsed into a chair for the next three hours (until I dragged Captain Brandon back into the house and cleaned the vomit off of him before allowing him to pass out again).

Conclusion: Drambuie is not for me and is apparently not for any blood relative of mine. Seriously, it smells and tastes awful – nothing like the Wikipedia definition. I don’t know how anyone drinks the stuff and I’ve had some pretty unusual and extreme drinks. Has anyone else tried Drambuie?

“The God Who Loves You” by Carl Dennis

Poem: “The God Who Loves You” by Carl Dennis, from Practical Gods.

The God Who Loves You

It must be troubling for the god who loves you
To ponder how much happier you’d be today
Had you been able to glimpse your many futures.
It must be painful for him to watch you on Friday evenings
Driving home from the office, content with your week—
Three fine houses sold to deserving families—
Knowing as he does exactly what would have happened
Had you gone to your second choice for college,
Knowing the roommate you’d have been allotted
Whose ardent opinions on painting and music
Would have kindled in you a lifelong passion.
A life thirty points above the life you’re living
On any scale of satisfaction. And every point
A thorn in the side of the god who loves you.
You don’t want that, a large-souled man like you
Who tries to withhold from your wife the day’s disappointments
So she can save her empathy for the children.
And would you want this god to compare your wife
With the woman you were destined to meet on the other campus?
It hurts you to think of him ranking the conversation
You’d have enjoyed over there higher in insight
Than the conversation you’re used to.
And think how this loving god would feel
Knowing that the man next in line for your wife
Would have pleased her more than you ever will
Even on your best days, when you really try.
Can you sleep at night believing a god like that
Is pacing his cloudy bedroom, harassed by alternatives
You’re spared by ignorance? The difference between what is
And what could have been will remain alive for him
Even after you cease existing, after you catch a chill
Running out in the snow for the morning paper,
Losing eleven years that the god who loves you
Will feel compelled to imagine scene by scene
Unless you come to the rescue by imagining him
No wiser than you are, no god at all, only a friend
No closer than the actual friend you made at college,
The one you haven’t written in months. Sit down tonight
And write him about the life you can talk about
With a claim to authority, the life you’ve witnessed,
Which for all you know is the life you’ve chosen.

And Who Says Time Doesn’t Matter?

For some people, time really doesn’t matter. For the rest of us, 3 a.m. (on a work night) is not exactly the ideal time to pour your heart out to a girl and embarrass yourself by acting like a douche nozzle.

Here’s the tale…

The girl in our story broke things off with a chef she had been dating for only three months almost FIVE MONTHS prior to the early morning in which our story takes place. I emphasize that they were only dating – nothing serious…

The following is a verbatim transcript of the text message conversation that took place:

The Chef: why am I sleeping alone?

The Girl: Dunno

The Chef: wish you were here baby

The Girl: It’s three in the morning

The Chef: can’t sleep. Just thinking of you haven’t been able to sleep for months baby. What did I do so wrong that kept you away this long? I just want you near

The Girl: (At this point our girl responded with a jumbled text message pretending to be tired in an attempt to end this awkward conversation)

The Chef: I’ve waited my whole life for you. I’d marry you if you gave me the chance. I love you, why can’t you see?

The Girl: (At this point our girl responded with another jumbled, nonsensical text message)

The Chef: ??

The Girl: It’s late – I apologize if Im not makin sense – 3 a.m. is not the best time for this conversation

The Chef: 3 a.m.?! My heart doesn’t care what time it is

The Girl: You can’t expect me to respond to this

Guys, seriously, desperation is never attractive… However, please feel free to continue such activity as it provides endless entertainment to whomever is around said girl. Or if the girl in question is friends with someone with a blog, your humiliation can extend to a global scale.

Epilogue:

Sources confirmed for us that The Chef was in fact not intoxicated at the time of this exchange. Therefore, he cannot fall back onto a “drunk texting” excuse. And lest one fears that we are being cruel and heartless, I assure you that if one were familiar with the characters involved (He’s not the nicest guy and The Girl is overwhelmingly nice) that it would not be perceived as such…

Oh, The Chef recently described a woman he works with as “needy”. Funny how people can perceive things so differently, isn’t it?